You're Calling

I'm just putting this out there to get my thoughts out.  I'm not looking for compliments, I'm not looking for pity.  Just perhaps a good discussion or even just something to get off my chest.

Have you ever felt like you know what your calling is?  Beyond a shadow of a doubt, you know you are meant to do something almost like it is a built in "no-brainer."  When you are doing that thing, know that you are doing what you were created to do.

That's how I feel about music.  I've recorded 7 albums now.  My second album, "Synthpops" had a few songs that were even played on underground radio.  There was a song on that album called "I'm A Pop Star" which has proven to be my most popular song ever.

I've always gotten very positive reviews on all of my albums (except for Fluffy, which has received 0 reviews, positive or negative).

Yet, in spite of all of this, in spite of the feelings that I am doing what I am called to do, I feel that it goes mostly unnoticed. I have a few faithful fans, and I really love and appreciate each and every one of them for all they have done with funding various albums, with helping to spread the word, etc., yet, I have a meager 128 "likes" on my music page. (As if Facebook is the end all / be all of popularity).  I get very few hits on my webpage.  Very few listens on Spotify, Rhapsody, etc.  I've tried to run various promotions, none of which succeeded.

Basically, this is leaving me with feeling that "My calling" is nothing more than "My hobby."

I know I'm not the best vocalist out there.  I definitely wouldn't have a place in The Voice, or American Idol or even America's Got Talent, but I have perfect pitch, and I can hear harmonies like nobody's business.  Also, not to "toot my own horn", but I'm an excellent song writer, an accomplished arranger, and a decent producer.

I've gotten a few minor music jobs on local TV for advertisers, and have done soundtracks to several local indie movies.  (all to great review).

Yet, I still feel mostly unnoticed in "the music world."

Mind you, I'm not looking for notoriety or fame, just some people that are touched by my music.  Some people that can identify with it.  Relate to it.

Appreciate it.

Again, I know the few fans I have do identify with it and love it.  I guess I'm looking for that on a larger scale.  Rather than the maybe 15 people that feel this way, I'd like to see 15,000.  Even 1500.  In fact, let's start small and get 150.

The 15 I have are amazing, wonderful fans.  They truly are.  I couldn't even do any of this without them.  My family has been amazingly supportive as well.

Any of you that may be artist, maybe you can understand how I feel.  Artists are very emotional people.  We want to create our art not only for ourselves, but for others as well.  Not necessarily to relate to them on an individual basis, but to relate with them corporately, so to speak.

You know "that song" that you hear, that has always meant something to you.  "That song" that speaks to you like few others?  Or "that story" that means more to you than mere words can describe? What about "that painting" that somehow captures your very being and places you right there in the scene?

As an artist, I strive to create "that moment" for people.  I have one fan, my #1 fan, Naomi Hanvey, that has expressed a "that song" of mine.  It's a song I wrote called "Cannot Look Away."  She has told me that she would listen to "that song" over and over and it would give her strength.  She also has a "that album" of mine as well, called "Stating The Obvious."

It's an amazing feeling as an artist to know that someone has connected with my music, and ultimately me in "that way."

But I have to say, it's like a drug.  Not that I'm not happy to have made that type of connection, I just feel that since I believe this is my calling that I'd like to make more of those connection.  No, I wouldn't "like" to.  I need to.  I need another fix.

Does any of this make sense at all?